For those of us who are in this group, we all know (on some level) that what we experience in our lives is coming from the inside out and not outside in. We all have our own multiple pairs of glasses that we put on moment to moment. Sometimes we look at our world through rose-tinted glasses or sometimes "fear" glasses or "insecure" glasses. We're all looking at life through our own particular lense in that moment.
We accept this as the TRUTH of how our world shows up for us. But have
you noticed that when it comes to your perception of yourself, you find yourself saying "yeh, but not with me!" This is one area that feels solidly true and intact. Who I am is who I am. My insecurity and feelings of self-doubt are solid and really me.
If we really understood that our experience of insecurity and self-doubt had nothing to do with comparing yourself to others; had nothing to do with our lack of training, education, or experience; had nothing to do with how others judge or critique us; had nothing to do with the clothes we wear; how old we look; or that someone told us something mean or horrible about us when we were in grade school; or that it's because I screwed up giving a presentation--if we understood that our experience is not coming from stuff out there in the world (our circumstances), it would actually be very hard to show up with insecurity and self-doubt.
This is not just another attempt to propose a better and more "healthy" way of looking at insecurity. With all the best intentions, the current world of self-help does take that approach. They advise us to dissolve and replace negative thinking with positive thinking. They want us to look at and dig-into the end result of our thinking--the insecurity and self-doubt.
One thing we all agree on is that thought creates our feeling states. Thought is the X factor. The variable. We also agree that the ability to have new thinking is the answer to our problems.
The problem with trying to have new thinking is that it can't be forced or imposed; we can't make up new thinking. It's hard work! So, what's the solution? We can begin a conversation that goes: what if I could be different? or wouldn't it be great if I could begin to loosen up how I view myself? ...what if we could allow fresh thought to come in? Rather than forcing ourselves to think a certain way, we could invite and be receptive to new thoughts. We could be willing and open to new possibilities for ourselves. We could be open to being wrong about ourselves. Now, there's a concept!
Our thinking changes all the time in other areas of our lives, it's just that in those areas about ourselves, our thinking seems to be more fixed and solid. What if instead of working endlessly on yourself to change your thoughts, what if you just relax and let those insecure thoughts settle down? What if you gave them the opportunity to move on of their own accord? What if you stopped all the self-analyzing and digging into your past to get to the root of the problem?
In the same way that we naturally take a break when we feel creatively stuck like writing a book or dealing with a logistical problem, we can also give ourselves a break and take time out and see what new thoughts about ourselves can emerge, instead just saying: "Oh, that's just the way I am."
What if you questioned yourself about who you are? How about starting that conversation with yourself? How about creating an inside out revolution about how you see yourself--not by forcing yourself to do something--but through understanding what's really going on.
Changing the habit of being yourself happens in seeing and understanding what's really going on.