The worst ten days of my life were when I took a road trip with my ex-boyfriend. We were driving around the coast of Ireland – and instead of enjoying the beautiful scenery, he used this precious time to dig in and tell me how unsatisfied he was with our relationship – for ten torturous days, I was bullied, shouted-at, put down, and told over and over how selfish and uncommitted I was about our relationship, and that if our twelve-year relationship was going to last, I would have to change my ways.
That drive was exhausting.
The discord in our relationship had been going on for about five years, and so by the end of that road trip, I knew I had to leave – I was so done with listening to him. I was fed-up living this way. When I eventually moved out, I discovered that leaving was the best thing I ever did because I got to experience what life was like without carrying around this extra heavy, and burdensome baggage of always hearing his complaints. I got a taste of the (unbearable) lightness of being.
Fortunately, traveling companions come and go in life. And if we’re lucky, we eventually get wise and decisive about who we choose to travel through life with. We can stop the car and tell them to get out. But there’s one companion that’s always traveling with us – our mind. And it’s not always the ideal traveling companion.
I’ve discovered that my mind can be just as much of a bully, and just as critical and judgmental, as my ex. There seems to be no end to the advice it churns out:
Don’t bother writing a book, no one will read it…
If you leave your partner, you’ll ruin your life…
You’ll never find a relationship – there’s too much competition…
You’re such an imposter…you’re just not good enough…
it goes on and on…
I’ve spent years driving through life with the heavy baggage of a mind that’s unkind and harsh - completely oblivious to what’s really going on. There were decades when I innocently turned up the volume believing that what I heard about me was the truth. And before I knew it, that voice took over, moved in, and became my constant travel companion.
Unlike my ex, I can’t leave my mind– I’m stuck with it! But the difference now is that I can choose to not get caught up with the things it insists on telling me. I now know how the equipment of the mind works – that this constant critical chatter is just what a mind does – that is its job. It wants to hold me back from doing stuff, but only because it wants to keep me safe. Change and risk are anathemas to a mind.
If you plan on having a life that works in your favor, if you plan on having a dream relationship, if you plan on being successful in your work or business, if you plan on a life that flourishes – if you really want your journey through life to be joyous - then you’ve got to understand how the equipment works. You've got to believe in your own worthiness.
And as you journey through this life, they'll be times when you'll run out of gas, get stuck in a ditch, break down - and demand a better travel companion.
But do yourself a favor and lighten your load. Don't miss out on the scenery. Enjoy the ride.
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