A SPIRITUAL SOLUTION TO
CO-DEPENDENCY, INSECURITY, & NARCISSISTIC ABUSE
Hi, I'm Del Adey-Jones, coach, guide, instructor & dedicated to helping people attract strong, healthy, respectful, and loving relationships, both in their personal & professional life - starting with the one you have with yourself!
WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU ATTRACTING?
I’m so glad you’ve found your way to my website. My guess is that you’re someone who would love to attract loving and respectful relationships, but who struggles with a lack of boundaries, people-pleasing, and always putting others' needs ahead of your own. Worse still, you find yourself attracting narcissistic and abusive partners. It can show up in the form of someone who plays into all of your weaknesses, gaslighting and manipulating you, convincing you that you're the crazy one. If you can relate to any or all of these, then you’ve come to the right place.
I have a particular soft spot for people who struggle with these issues because, for the first fifty years of my life, I was riddled with insecurity and co-dependency - always putting the needs of others ahead of my own. And to make matters worse, my co-dependency was attracting narcissists to me like a moth to a flame.
There's no mystery as to why some people attract healthy relationships and others don't. It has nothing to do with being lucky or jinxed. My story explains why. and how I ended up attracting some unscrupulous men who were willing to pay me the attention I so desperately craved, just not in the way I needed. It explains why I contemplated ending my life because I felt I didn't have the skills or wherewithal to survive life.
And my story explains why I feel compelled to do the work I do today.
MY UPBRINGING WAS ANYTHING BUT ORDINARY!
I grew up in the late fifties in a puritanical and idyllic part of North Wales, UK. But my childhood was anything but ideal and my mother - although resourceful and well-meaning - was neither pious nor puritanical. You see, I was the product of an eight-year affair my mother had with a married man who already had two children and who lived in a neighboring village.
Despite the long affair, the man who was my father never got around to meeting or acknowledging me - he would visit my mother at night when my sister and I were asleep, but we were given strict instructions not to interfere or disturb them. Whenever I went to the village shops, I would see him walking on the other side of the street with his own children by his side, but I never dared to talk to him - I believed that they were his real children and that I was bad and should never have been born.
By the tender age of five years old, I learned that the words illegitimate and bastard were how other children and teachers were describing me. I quickly learned that I was not as legitimate as the other children, and that meant that I didn't deserve love and respect.
THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF ATTRACTING DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS
When I look back on my dysfunctional and unusual childhood - seeing my father walking on the other side of the road, and not feeling entitled or worthy of talking to him - not being acknowledged by him - feeling rejected - unworthy of love - the shame of never feeling good enough - is it any wonder I ended up with low self-esteem? Is it any wonder why I was needy and desperate for love and attention and would end up settling for crumbs in all areas of my life, especially when it came to relationships? Is it any wonder I would end up looking for validation from any man who would pay me the attention I craved? And is it any wonder I would end up staying in emotionally abusive relationships long past their expiry date?
There's no mystery why I always felt insecure and always put the needs of others ahead of my own. My father's rejection and abandonment cemented in me the feeling that I wasn't worthy of his love.
Little did I know that my father was the first of a long list of narcissistic men who would play a pivotal role in my life, I would go on to have an eighteen-year marriage that was dysfunctional, and full of deceit and lies - it wasn't all I thought it was.
My habitual patterns of insecure behavior and thinking would end up having a profound impact on my life.
THERE IS GREAT HOPE FOR ANYONE WHO FEELS LOCKED INTO A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP.
It has taken me fifty-odd years to learn to love myself unapologetically and attract a healthy and joyful relationship. I am now blessed with the ability to say NO without apology to anyone who tries to step over my boundaries, and NO to myself when I find myself putting the needs of others ahead of my own. I can ask for what I want in my relationships without apology or shame. And I cannot tell you how freeing it feels to be able to say that I want to be in a relationship instead of, I need a relationship.
It's been a long journey from those early days of village life in North Wales. I now live in beautiful Malibu, California with the love of my life, and despite the painful years of my previous marriage, I have been blessed and am the proud mother of two amazing sons.
My happy ending is the result of years of searching, introspection, honesty, and courage. I've had years of conventional therapy. I've studied everything from Buddhism, Hinduism, and Kabbalah to Kundalini Yoga. I've sweated it out in sweat lodges, drank Ayagyasca in the desert, read hundreds of self-help books, and participated in countless workshops in an attempt to get to the bottom of my shame and low self-worth. And you don't want to know how many thousands of dollars I've spent trying to fix myself! I also have a Masters's Degree in Spiritual Psychology.
WHERE DO YOU BEGIN?
You can begin by reading a chapter I wrote for the Amazon best-selling book: Complete Self Care: 25 Tools for Goddesses. Just click the link below for a FREE PDF copy of my chapter, A Spiritual Solution to Low Self-Esteem.
Learning how to create healthy relationships is one of the most important skills you can learn - for sure, it's a game-changer that will impact every area of your life. I would be honored to help support you create that life.
That's me aged 5 with my older sister - I'm on the right
GET THE SUPPORT YOU NEED
I offer private one-on-one coaching and group coaching programs. My signature program is called: The Way Out of Co-dependency & Narcissistic Abuse - a 6-week Virtual Program.
Click Here for more information.
ADD PHOTO OF YOUR PROGRAM
WHAT I BELIEVE
I believe that we all deserve to be in loving and respectful relationships.
I believe that being a caring and loving person doesn't mean we should be taken advantage of or disrespected.
I believe that you can transform your relationships no matter how dysfunctional your past.
I believe that respectful and healthy relationships are an inside job.
I believe that telling the truth about what is not working for you will set you free.
I believe that a happy relationship begins with a happy sense of self.
Ultimately, the relationship and love we are searching for begins with the self - love of self. Only then can you attract loving relationships.
I would be honored to help support you to create that life.
PRAISE OF DEL'S WORK
I took Del’s 6-week program The Way Out - about Codependency & Narcissistic Personalities. At the time I had been deeply struggling through a 3-year relationship with a narcissist and I couldn’t get control over my life.
After the class had ended, Del took me on as a client and did individual therapy with me for several weeks.
Del has such an incredible amount of knowledge and I learned more and more from her about the dynamic I was trapped in and what was really happening to me.
What had the most impact on me was how she shared her own personal stories. She showed such understanding and compassion because she herself had lived through incredibly painful times. I finally felt understood. And each time I sat with her, I could see she was unshakable and her calmness and inner peace just radiated from her. I continue to think to myself, what a courageous, incredible, resilient, and strong woman.
Del never judged my thoughts or feelings and always helped me find answers and solutions. She met me where I was every time and just kept walking with me until I was able to take steps on my own.
Del has been a critical part of my healing. If it weren’t for her I would still be struggling in a relationship that was crippling me and my life.
Del, I cannot thank you enough for all the kindness and love you have shown me, for all the strength and knowledge you have given me, and for helping me regain power over my life again. It was not by chance or coincidence you came into my life. I am so very grateful and thankful and I will carry all your advice and love with me each day as I continue to heal and look ahead with excitement for good things to come.