That’s me twenty years ago when I first got engaged to my husband, Tim. I had just come out of what seemed like a prison sentence that lasted twelve years. Those long twelve years were my dog days – a time in my life when nothing seemed to go right.

My career wouldn’t take off; I was always anxious; I had health problems, and I hated where I lived. My life was seriously off-kilter. And it was all because I was living with the wrong guy. The strange thing is, he was decent, kind, and committed. He was always asking me to marry him. But I just couldn’t do it. Something was telling me that he wasn’t the right one.

When we have a relationship that’s not a good fit, it’s as ludicrous as wearing shoes that are too small. You walk around in life in pain and discomfort; you feel restricted, limited, and pinched off. You’re distracted and you lack focus. And it can cause serious harm to your body. It’s just not sensible.

Tight-fitting shoes we can confront and deal with; we’re onto it right away. but enduring a relationship that’s all wrong for us can linger on for years. And that’s what happened to me.

For the past twenty years that I’ve been married to Tim, I’ve been my happiest. I never saw it coming. I never knew that life could be so easy. It was like finding the missing jigsaw piece and feeling the satisfaction of completing the puzzle. And in the same way that the jigsaw piece clicks effortlessly into place, my entire life clicked into place.

Whatever is showing up for us in life is commensurate with the degree to which we're willing to put out or cast off things that aren't working for us. Mediocre attempts to improve an unhappy life circumstance produce mediocre results. When you slightly tweak an unhappy life, you end up with a life that doesn't change much -- one that only offers you the occasional sigh of relief.

But if you are in pain -- if you are stuck in the trenches of a relationship that feels all wrong for you -- then know that your suffering could actually be the very ticket that will catapult you into a life you could only dream about.