Making decisions in life doesn’t come easy - especially if they’re big decisions like leaving a marriage, giving up a good-paying job to start your own business, giving up a bad habit, or picking up and moving to a new place.
The desire for change can be strong within us, but so is the fear.
We humans are really good at second-guessing ourselves and talking ourselves out of our desires – we just don’t trust ourselves. What stops most of us is the fear that if we make a decision and it doesn’t work out, then we're going to have to deal with the shame and humiliation of others witnessing our mistakes.
Other people are watching us.
This is one of the reasons people feel lost and stuck in life – they don’t want to make the wrong decision. They want things to work out – they want to get it right. But when we let the fear of getting it wrong be our guide, that’s how we keep ourselves stuck in a life that’s going nowhere. If we had the confidence to make our decisions in solitude, I think we’d make more decisions.
But welcome to the social world!
We are social beings and in so many ways we need others to make us feel part of a tribe. The problem is that our social selves get over-developed and we end up listening too much to what others deem as a successful life for us – what we should and shouldn’t do – what’s right and what’s wrong. And when we tune into this socialization too much we lose our connection to our essential selves – or our wild self.
I’ve had many times in my life when my wild essential self has been confronted by my social self – and I always knew I was in the thick of it by how unhappy or uninspired I felt. These were the times when I knew I would have to make a brave choice like leaving an unhappy marriage, a soul-sucking job, people who aren’t worthy of my friendship, or putting myself and my work out there more.
And it was in those moments when there was a deeper part of me that knew what was right for me and that if I didn’t listen to it and honor it - if I kept second-guessing myself - I would be held captive by a life that I didn’t want.
You will have moments when your essential wild self demands and insists you cut yourself free if you want to live your right life – it wants you to go wild. And yes, you may be criticized, mocked, and shamed– and others will butt-in and tell you why it’s not possible or reasonable for you to make the change.
But when you tune in to your soul and you know that there is a more alive place for you to live, then be prepared to offend and disturb those around you. Our essential wild self can be deeply confronting.
Being comfortable in your own skin is about you having a deep trust in yourself - knowing that something will show up. It's you not second-guessing yourself.
Define for yourself what feels good - tune into the energy you feel in your body and not your rational mind. Pay attention to what brings you alive. Because when you do, you’ll reclaim little pieces of your essential wildness - the part of you that knows what you really want. let it reveal your right life to you.