Have you noticed that there seems to be a proliferation of people telling lies? We see it, especially in our politicians, leaders, and in the media - social media included! It’s as if we’ve lost all shame about lying – we’ll lie about anything if it gets us what we want.
As much as I’m disgusted by the lies and deceit I’m seeing in leaders and politicians, the truth is I’ve had my own share of telling lies in my life.
There have been - lies about affairs I had in previous relationships – lies about pretending I was happy in a relationship when I wasn’t – yes, accepting your own mistreatment from others is also a lie!
I've told lies about experiences I had because I wanted to impress or get sympathy from others. I've told myself the lie that I always had to have a partner to be happy. I've told myself endless lies about why I can't put myself out there because my body needs to lose weight first. And then there were the white lies when you don’t want to offend anyone.
Three years ago, I co-wrote my first book called: Women and Confidence – the truth about the lies we tell ourselves. It was a Kindle best-seller and it was popular because the title and content hit a nerve with women.
I purposefully used the word LIES in the title because I wanted to get women’s attention, but also because I believe that any reason or excuse that holds us back from living the truth and fullness of who we are - or that convinces us we’re not good enough, or that our insecurity or that we're an introvert is just part of our personality - is, in fact, a LIE. Because the truth is, who we really are at our core is truly confident and amazing.
It's taken me decades to wake up, to become more self-aware, to become conscious – to get HONEST about how I can move through life without telling lies to others and especially to myself - and believe me, that journey is ongoing.
I’m not proud of my past lies, but I can look back on those times and see that I was doing the best that I could with where I was in life – I can recollect and reflect without shaming myself. I can see my past self with compassion.
The lies we tell ourselves are just a MISUNDERSTANDING of who really are and what we're capable of achieving.
Could it be that the self-doubt, fears, and insecurities you experience are lies – misunderstandings?
Consider that there’s a part of you – a deeper self – that is already very much infused with well-being and confidence. Could it be that all of your insecure thinking is just that – a habit of insecure thinking? And that below all of those layers of habitual thinking there's the real you who has everything she needs?
One thing I know for sure about all of the lies I've told myself is that I was convinced that my lies would protect me, keep me safe, and make me look good to others, when in fact it was just the opposite - those lies always left me feeling weak and powerless.
In Dante’s Inferno, liars did not burn but rather were frozen in solid ice - an appropriate metaphor, don't you think? Lying separates us from true ourselves and others - they keep us hidden and unexpressed - they keep us from a life that's joyful and free.
The Budda has a saying that goes:
You can tell the ocean by the fact that it tastes of salt. And you can tell what’s true because it feels like freedom.
The truth of who we are wants to come out — see the light of day. Only then will you feel freedom.
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