Who doesn’t love a cupcake? There’s something about the cake portion coupled with frosting and sprinkles that makes for a wonderful combination. They just go together so well, don't they?

But what if the cake portion wasn’t fully baked? Not only would it be disappointing, but there wouldn’t be anything solid for the frosting to hold onto. That cake portion is such a vital foundation for the frosting to do its thing.

How we show up in relationships and dating is a bit like cupcakes. Think of the frosting and sprinkles as our exterior physical selves – how we look. They allow us to get attention and get noticed by others.

And think of the cake portion as who we are at our core – our grounding and confidence. And now imagine that the cake portion of us isn’t fully baked – that it isn’t grounded in confidence and self-worth. No amount of make-up, chic outfit, or buffed body (frosting) would hold up. Tending to our frosting alone will not lead to a sustainable relationship.

There’s nothing wrong with frosting in relationships – it’s delicious. And it can also be a lot of fun. I love getting my hair done and wearing beautiful clothes. And there's no doubt that if we put some effort into looking good physically, we do tend to get noticed. But in the same way that eating frosting and sprinkles on their own can be too sickly and sweet, tending too much to our physicality while avoiding our personal grounding – feeling comfortable in our own skin – can leave us feeling unseen and unappreciated for who we really are. In short, we’ll feel a lack of deep intimacy. And isn’t that ultimately, what we’re all looking for in relationships?

When we cultivate and nurture a deep grounding of WHY we’re loveable – of WHY we’d make a wonderful partner for someone – we can then put ourselves out into the world and confidently navigate the roller-coaster world of dating, relationships, rejection, and disappointments without falling into a big mush – without folding-in.

Aim for the combo – it’s a delicious, fun, and powerful two-some.

If you’d like help with your “cake” portion – then sign up for one-on-one coaching with me. And together we’ll get you fully baked.

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