I’m a real believer that our homes say so much about who we are. The artwork, colors, order, chaos, or clutter reflect our state of mind. And it’s no different from the relationships we have. Our relationships are a mirror image of what’s going on with us internally.

No doubt, what I’ve just told you may cause you to bristle and twinge as if you’ve just sucked on a lemon. You may be pushing back at me and saying: my partner’s bad behavior or annoying habits have nothing to do with me.

And you would be right - how he shows up is for sure, all about him. People do behave badly. But the fact that you are prepared to live with him and tolerate his quirks, says a lot about you. It says a lot about how you’ve settled and adjusted yourself to a certain set of behaviors. Can you see how we create all of our relationships by what we settle for?

I used to live with a guy who gaslighted me constantly. He was always blaming me for stuff and telling me I was selfish and uncaring. And as I reflect back, that dynamic in the relationship was a mirror of what was going on within me. Yes, he was abusive, but so was I to myself, because I put up with it for many years by playing the victim and feeling sorry for myself.

We tend to think that our relationships are separate from our own love of self, but they're so intertwined and inseparable.

Seeing the part we play – how we dance with others – is really good to know. It’s such great news because we take our power back. We take responsibility for our part, instead of blaming him.

In the same way, I don’t like to live with a stained carpet, shabby walls, or a closet full of drab clothes, I no longer live or put up with relationships that don’t align with what I want or desire. I came to the conclusion that sometimes, you just have to let something go if it no longer sings to you.

Ask yourself: what are you tolerating? What are you putting up with that wears you down? What behaviors in others have you tried to numb yourself to?

These questions can cause you to feel uneasy or even scared, because it may mean that change is calling you. So just sit with these questions first without thinking you have to do something. But also know that getting the relationship you really desire has always been as easy as picking out a pair of lovely curtains. You get to choose.